I know the first post should be a character design I've done this week, but I just feel rather in-my-head tonight, and felt like posting some musings. They do pertain, however, to character design, but most specifically the beginnings of my journey to understand what it is I want to do with my life. It's hard for me to write about myself, so feel free to skip over this particular entry if it bores you; I won't be offended.
Have you ever felt like your entire life, you've been getting clues that hint at what you really want to do with your life, but you just don't see them? Or maybe you're too stubborn to see them. You want to do X so you totally ignore anything but X, and then you realize that X isn't what you want to do. You want to do Y, and the cycle repeats, and then by the time you get to Z, you feel like you're tardy to the party, and your whole life becomes a game of catch-up. Have you ever experienced this sensation? If you haven't, I envy you. My younger brother is like that. He just has always been interested in music, his whole life practically, and now in college, he's doing music. I however have bounced from one hobby to another (I still have far too many), and only now, in my junior year of college, realized what my true calling may very well be.
Character design. Storyboarding. I want to make animated movies and cartoons, and I could have arrived at this conclusion a hell of a lot earlier if I had actually paid any attention to the clues my life was giving me.
What were these clues? You ask. Oh, subtle things. For the longest time when I was younger, I would refuse to watch shows or movies that weren't animated. Sure, that's a very childlike thing to do, but this feeling persisted as I grew up, and I still have it right now. I'm far more inclined to watch an animated show than a non-animated show, and the same applies to movies. That isn't to say I don't love shows like The Office or Breaking Bad, or movies like Stranger than Fiction, but I love the comfort and familiarity of animation, and still frequently prefer it over live-action movies and shows.
That's one clue, certainly. I suppose the other would be that I've always created and embellished characters, in my own stories, comics, and roleplays. Upon writing that sentence, I want to slap myself for never really thinking about this as a thing to do with my life. As far as I was concerned, the only visual arts that existed were the Fine Arts, and Graphic Design. It may sound cliché'd to say that I blame my high school art program, but I definitely do. Any drawings I did that were cartoon-y or anime-like were immediately dismissed or looked down upon by my teacher. Illustration was simply not done, and it was often regarded with scorn, and the attitude that it wasn't "real art". I stupidly adopted these views, and until I met my roommate in freshman year of college, I didn't know anyone who wanted to be an actual illustrator.
There are other clues, I like to think: My penchant for things regarded as juvenile that has lasted my entire life (stuffed animals, children's books, children's movies, sweets), my eccentric, costume-like wardrobe (complete with miniature hats and petticoats), and my ability to understand the art of children (I work at an art center and can always decipher their scribblings) are just a few more that went unacknowledged.
Looking at all of this, in the grand scheme of things, I am a fool. The pieces fit together so well, yet I never really thought about it... or so I'm inclined to think at the moment, and hope that there aren't some other pieces hiding in my life that point to another life's passion. But I'm going to hope for the best:that I've interpreted my life correctly up to this point, and that I will do my best to stop ignoring signs that point me toward a promising future.
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